This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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