I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
