It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize