420 ftw
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
