im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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