we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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