just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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