if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
