she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
