Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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