Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
