Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
