im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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