New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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