shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
