I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Less talking, more tequila
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
