I'm eating all of the evidence.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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