You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
