ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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