there was a trapeze. enough said
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
