three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
