Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
