I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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