he told me I talked like a deaf person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize