it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
