it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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