Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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