Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
