Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
