I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
