Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize