If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
