I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
