It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
