how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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