And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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