hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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