Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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