Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
