In the future we'll all be gay
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
