I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
