I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
