it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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