how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
