okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
