i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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