Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
