yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
sex in a hospital.. check
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize