you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
