is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
