Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drake has all the answers
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize