Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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