your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this boner is exhausting
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
