Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
