she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
