ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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