I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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