A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
