I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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