She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
