Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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