whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
