How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
