Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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