dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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