If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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