You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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