Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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