Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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