I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
