I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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