so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
