i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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