at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
