So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
