Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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