If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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