if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
