I'm lost and stupid without you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
