Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
