giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
