I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
