I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
