Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
