literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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