Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
