She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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