i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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