While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
